By Sara Orellana
As parents, there is a list of fundamental skills we want to teach our children. This list will vary slightly between families, but at the core, it is very similar.
As I started to teach my daughter responsibility, I realized I couldn’t teach it the way I had learned. I grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, played outside until it was dark, rode my bike all over the neighborhood, and was told what to think and how to live. I grew up in a time when we were expected to respect adults because we were told to, and to do what they said, not what they did.
Somewhere in my childhood, I realized this concept was not working. Doing something just because I was told to do it, or respecting an adult just because they were an adult wasn’t right.
Knowing this, and knowing that you cannot demand respect, I suspected you couldn’t just demand responsibility; you have to model it, show it, live it. And so, as a young parent, I started living better, making better decisions, being like the person I would want my child to become. I shared my struggles, failures, and wishes. I had no idea if what I was doing was right, but I knew it felt better than lecturing from others.
When B turned 9, she decided she wanted her own dog. We had two at the time, but they were the family dogs. She wanted her own. The universe could not have better set me up for an opportunity to teach a lesson. I told B that if she wanted a puppy, she would have to save her allowance to pay for the supplies and shots. I truly didn’t think she would do it. Well, she did. That is how Raphael “Raffy” Valentino joined our family.
Raffy proved to be a difficult puppy. He had a rough start, is developmentally delayed, and has several physical challenges. But B rose to the occasion. Together we took him in at 5 weeks old, swaddled him, fed him formula every 4 hours. We taught him to walk. And we played his games. The vets told us we would be lucky if he made it 3 years, extremely lucky if he made it to 5.
I was not going to allow my daughter to feel like she failed. B learned so much responsibility with Raffy. She changed her routines, played more with him than her toys, and took care of him. She showed more responsibility at 9 than many parents. I was so proud of what she had learned. Crying over the bad news, I sat B down. I told her we had two choices. We could believe what the vets said and not try, or we could fight with every ounce of strength that we have and prove them wrong. She chose to prove them wrong. I am proud to say Raffy will be 9 on the 31st and is going strong.
What I hoped would be an opportunity to truly teach responsibility turned into so much more. I was able to show B that we can make a difference; we can change fate. Together we studied dog health, created physical therapy routines, and introduced Raffy to a regimen of vitamins. B learned so much more than I had hoped. And now, as she continues in her career working with animals, I see the same love, compassion, and fighting spirit.
Our children take so much in. They see what we do and what we say. Rather than simply talking to them, let them see you struggle, allow them to practice life skills now. You will be pleasantly surprised at the amazing progress they show.
Sara Orellana is a community volunteer, entrepreneur, author, amateur chef, and advocate for rescued animals. She may be reached by email at believestrengthpassion@gmail.com.